high gate, missouri

The community of High Gate is found at the intersection of highway H and U in central Missouri. I found myself here in the summer of 2021 visiting Amie, a friend, who had come back to her birthplace at the end of her father’s life. At her father Tim’s house, we would keep him company as he sucked on ice cubes and watched Johnny Cash videos. In Amie’s truck we drove aimlessly down winding backroads and the main streets of the surrounding small towns. She shared memories of her father, a carpenter until the effects of pancreatic cancer took hold of his body. She pointed out every home he built along the way. Whispered conversations about medicines happened in the kitchen, strategic caregiving with the hopes of keeping him comfortable, just keeping the pain at bay.

He gave instructions about the farm, how to upkeep the land, equipment, and animals. The fate of the steers was discussed incessantly by everyone that passed through the living room. The date of their slaughter had been postponed because of his decline. Amie and I went to the feed store to buy enough for one more week of life. Their expiry date was known, just as her father’s, within the week. He talked about his passing and they talked about the steers. He wasn’t afraid. He was ready.

I documented and supported as my friend grieved in real time; simultaneously discovering the truths about family when the patriarch passes.

As I was leaving to drive back to St. Louis I stood by his recliner as he held my hand. I told him it had been a pleasure to spend this time in his company and witness the love that surrounds him. He said, “I’ll be seeing you again. Just in a different place.”